Melani Sanders never set out to start a movement. One evening, the Houston native and social media influencer pressed record on her phone, frustrated after another night of hot flashes and sleeplessness.
Her message was simple: She no longer cared about society’s expectations for how women should look, act or age.
That clip launched what is now known as the We Do Not Care Club, a viral platform where women — particularly those navigating perimenopause and menopause — share their unapologetic “I don’t care” declarations. What began as Sanders venting became a rallying cry for millions of women reclaiming their agency and redefining midlife not as decline, but as liberation.
Breaking the silence
Menopause and perimenopause are experiences that eventually affect nearly half the population, yet they remain heavily stigmatized. Too often, symptoms are dismissed, silenced, or treated as taboo in both households and doctors’ offices.
“Women are told to just deal with it,” said Dr. Sherri-Ann Burnett-Bowie, an endocrinologist who studies menopause disparities. “That silence creates shame and isolation.”
Research shows Black women face even sharper challenges. Studies have found that Black women often enter menopause earlier, experience more intense symptoms and have less access to effective treatment. The result: Higher rates of hot flashes, sleep problems and mental health concerns that can last years longer than their white counterparts.
Against that backdrop, Sanders’ declaration — “We do not care” — struck a cultural chord.
A viral community
The movement has exploded online, with Sanders amassing more than a million followers across platforms. Women post videos declaring what they no longer care about: Bras, cellulite, tight clothes, polished toenails, arriving on time or hiding mood swings.
Some posts are humorous, others deeply vulnerable. Actress Ashley Judd joined in, sharing she doesn’t care about cellulite or swimsuit “perfection.” Sanders’ own posts, often showing her in mismatched clothes or without makeup, reinforce the theme of authenticity.
“It’s not about neglecting ourselves,” Sanders said during a national interview. “It’s about letting go of what doesn’t serve us anymore.”
Why it resonates
Psychologists say the We Do Not Care movement provides more than comic relief. It offers women solidarity and a sense of control during a life stage too often defined by loss.
“Giving voice to what you no longer care about is an act of empowerment,” said psychologist Dr. Monique Reynolds. “It reduces shame, creates community and helps women prioritize joy and self-acceptance.”
The declarations also resonate beyond health. Many women reject career pressures, relationship norms and family expectations that once felt suffocating. For Black women, who have long-shouldered compounded burdens of caregiving, workplace discrimination and societal judgment, the club’s mantra feels especially freeing.
Testimonies of liberation
The comment sections of Sanders’ videos read like a collective sigh of relief.
“I felt seen,” wrote one woman in her 40s. “I don’t have to explain my hot flashes at work anymore. I just say, ‘I don’t care.’”
Another added: “You gave me the courage to stop apologizing for my body. I laugh more now. I rest more now.”
A broader shift
Experts say the rise of the We Do Not Care Club is part of a larger cultural shift. Once invisible, midlife women are demanding visibility in media, workplaces and policy. Employers are beginning to face pressure to support employees through menopause.
Meanwhile, conversations about aging and feminism are challenging old narratives of decline.
“Midlife is not the end. For many women, it’s the beginning of real freedom,” Sanders said. “We’re rewriting the rules.”
While some critics argue that focusing on “not caring” risks slipping into apathy, Sanders and her followers see it differently. They make the choice intentionally: Deciding what deserves their care and what does not.
In a society that has long told women to be quiet, be polished, be pleasing, the We Do Not Care Club offers something radical: permission to live unapologetically.
And women everywhere are joining in, one declaration at a time.
