For the past week, anyone on social media has most likely seen the video of a Black woman refusing to be taken to the Cheesecake Factory restaurant. The internet went ablaze earlier this month when a video went viral of a woman named Alicia, who was filming herself as she sat in a car, refusing to leave because her date Jay had taken her to The Cheesecake Factory.
“Who takes someone who looks like this to a chain restaurant?” she said. “I can not go in Cheesecake Factory. I will die.”
“Maybe we’re not right for each other, so respectfully, I’m just going to drop you off at home,” Jay told her, explaining that he had his own “expectations.”
The couple sat down with Kevin Wesley on “Kevin Wesley THE TRUTH FACTory” to talk about the video, which has generated over eight million views.
“I went into the date with expectations for myself — to keep you safe, to respect you, to pay for your food, to pick you up — and just treat you like a gentleman. Which I believe I have done,” Jay said to Alicia on the show. “I, on the other hand, have certain expectations for a girl I go out with on a first date. I expect her to be respectful too, I expect her to be cooperative.”
Turns out, Alicia had been late, causing Jay to miss their initial reservation at another restaurant.
Social media users immediately went IN! The animosity toward the woman was unmatched and the comments even went as far as belittling her features and Black women in general. The video that spawned a list of “places that women refuse to go on a first date” began to go viral on X, formerly known as Twitter. Several popular restaurant chains like Buffalo Wild Wings, Chili’s, Applebees, IHOP, Denny’s, Olive Garden, Wingstop and Red Lobster were named.
Other places mentioned included the gym, the movies, bowling alleys, sporting events and the guy’s house, as well as a bar for drinks, clubs, hookah lounges, buffets, family functions, and coffee or ice cream dates.
Jay went on to say, “[Women] kind of have this image of me based on the video, which hasn’t helped. It’s like they might think everything about me is reflected in that video, and I don’t think it is. Her recording me did feel like that’s where she was trying to take advantage. It felt like at the time that [she was] trying to get a free meal from a fancy restaurant and then get content from me too to post on YouTube, Facebook.”
Alicia says that wasn’t the case. In fact, she felt like Jay didn’t see her value by taking her to The Cheesecake Factory, so she wanted to record a video of her experience for a few women’s groups she’s part of, whom she often addresses for opinions on dating matters.
“I felt like [he] didn’t see my value. In that moment, I felt like I needed the support of my viewers in that moment. I discuss relationships and things like that, so I thought that that was a good opportunity for me to have that conversation and see like what does everybody else think,” Alicia explained. “I wasn’t really taking [Jay’s] feelings into consideration. I wasn’t trying to be necessarily malicious or anything.”
Alicia also said she runs in circles with women who have a high standard of dating, but looking back at her date with Jay allowed her to see how her reactions weren’t helpful.
“To be fair, I was always raised that the man is supposed to cater to you. You’re courting me, so court me. That means wherever I want to go, you take me. Whatever I want, you buy me. That’s courting. I’m looking for a provider,” she said.
“But after the conversation, I could see how there was a lot of ‘I’ in that exchange. I was definitely very self-centered. I can appreciate if I do want someone to provide for me, I at least gotta be a little bit nice. I’m a beautiful woman, so I expect to be treated like royalty.”
She also noted how Black women are “tired of having to settle,” and she wants a “soft life,” but that she also has to be soft and not “combative” to receive that kind of lifestyle.
Both confirmed they haven’t gone on a second date, but Kevin Wesley said that the show would treat them to another first date and check back in with them to see how they fared going out together again. The couple didn’t necessarily say they accepted, but they seemed open and excited when offered.
