When Ayesha Curry said she never wanted marriage or kids, the internet turned into a complete frenzy.
The wife of NBA star Steph Curry and mother of four became the latest woman intentionally misunderstood for voicing what many women silently say to themselves. Being a wife and mother is not every woman’s dream.
The outrage was very revealing. Critics questioned how a woman with privilege and access could speak of not wanting the very life others envy. Yet what Ayesha was just saying was her truth. And honesty, especially from women, about what fulfillment truly means to them, still makes people uncomfortable.
In her resurfaced interview on Call Her Daddy, Ayesha said, “I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to get married. I thought I was going to be a ‘career girl’ and that’s it.” Married at 22 and pregnant soon after, she admitted that she often felt torn between her personal calling and family life. Her words reflected how life sometimes unfolds differently from the dreams we first imagine.
I was even disappointed by women on social media who had no problem attacking her online. Yes, from the outside looking in, Ayesha lives a life many only wish they could live in their lifetime. We truly don’t know what it’s like being in the public eye on this magnitude, having her life examined under a microscope, and having to prove herself to be an accomplished woman outside of just being “Steph Curry’s wife.”
I don’t blame her for looking back and asking herself what her life would have looked like if she had waited in her 20s to focus on herself and her career before getting married. If people had taken the time to watch the entire interview, they would have known that she didn’t speak down about her marriage or her children. People easily take things out of context because of laziness.
This is why, when I see conversations on what the world would look like if we had a matriarchy, I scoff in disappointment. Before we can have that kind of conversation, there is a deep healing women need to have with themselves. Women need to master themselves and decenter themselves from men to understand the power they truly have. We have to respect other women, live a better quality of life and wish them well if you don’t have it instead of tearing each other down, but that is a whole topic for another day.
The backlash toward Ayesha is not really about her. It’s about our collective discomfort with women who question the roles patriarchy still assigns to us. For generations, women, especially Black women, have been praised for endurance and sacrifice. We are taught that our value peaks when we become someone’s wife or mother. But what happens when a woman says she wanted something else? Too often, she’s branded as selfish, cold, or confused.
Some framed her comments as a betrayal of womanhood, as if wanting more, or wanting differently, diminishes the rest of us. This internalized patriarchy keeps all of us trapped. It reinforces the idea that there is a “right” way to be a woman and everything else is rebellion.
That reaction says more about society’s insecurities than about Ayesha’s perspective.
Marriage and motherhood can be absolutely fulfilling paths, but they are not the only paths to fulfillment. They do not automatically complete anyone. A woman’s wholeness does not depend on her relationship status or whether she bears children. Her identity can be shaped by her career, creativity, spirituality, friendships, or community.
Fulfillment is not one-size-fits-all. Every woman deserves the freedom to define success and happiness for herself without judgment. For some, that’s family. For others, it’s independence, travel, education, or entrepreneurship.
We can be ambitious and nurturing, mothers and professionals, partners and individuals. Or we can be none of the above and still be whole. Ayesha’s honesty forces us to confront how narrow our expectations have been and how urgently they need to expand.
So when we ask, “Does marriage and children complete a woman?” the answer is a resounding NO. A woman is complete when she knows herself, whatever that looks like.
And if Ayesha’s truth unsettles people, maybe that’s exactly the conversation we need to have.
