Growing up, I was surrounded by the wisdom of Black women—my mama, grandmother, aunts and every woman in my life who poured their advice into me like a nourishing tonic.
While much of their guidance was rooted in love, protection and survival, some of the lessons I learned need to be broken. They were taught with the best of intentions, but now it’s time for us to critically assess these generational teachings and recognize when they’ve become limiting, oppressive, or just plain harmful.
It’s not easy to challenge the advice passed down through generations, but if we want to heal individually and collectively, we need to break free from certain cycles. Black women have been carrying the burdens of generational trauma for far too long. It’s time to let go of what no longer serves us and build a new legacy of emotional freedom, financial empowerment and self-love.
Let’s start with some of the most common advice we received from the women in our lives—and why it’s time to unlearn it.
“We don’t talk to nobody but God about our problems”
There’s nothing wrong with faith—it’s a pillar of our strength, resilience and survival. But when you’re taught to bottle up your emotions and keep everything inside because “God knows best,” it creates a dangerous isolation. Many Black mamas were raised to believe “what happens in the house, stays in the house.” The first time I told my mother I talked to a therapist, you would’ve thought I told her I was stripping on I-45. She was mortified because Black women “don’t talk to nobody but Jesus about our problems.” That’s a philosophy handed down from her mother. And her mother’s mother. Yes, God will fix anything. But sometimes, He’s a little busy. That’s why he made therapists.
Breaking the curse:
It’s time to embrace vulnerability. We don’t have to carry our emotional burdens alone. Seeking therapy, talking to trusted friends or joining support groups isn’t weakness—it’s a strength. We deserve to feel our feelings, process them and get the help we need to heal. We internalize our pain and think we’re stronger for it, when in reality, we’re just silently carrying a burden.
“Keep your money under your mattress”
This advice, rooted in financial instability and mistrust in institutions, kept our mothers and grandmothers safe in an uncertain world. But that mentality perpetuates financial insecurity, and it’s holding us back from building the wealth and financial stability we deserve.
Breaking the Curse:
It’s time to learn financial literacy and embrace the modern tools that can set us free. Let’s open savings accounts, learn about credit, invest in our futures and work with financial planners who can guide us toward true financial empowerment.
“Men ain’t sh*t”
This statement is often born out of pain—betrayal, heartbreak and unhealed wounds. But when we carry this belief into every relationship, we close ourselves off to the possibility of healthy, trusting connections. This mindset perpetuates a cycle of distrust, not only towards men, but toward the men we raise and ultimately, toward ourselves.
Breaking the curse:
Not all men are the same, and we need to heal from past trauma without carrying it forward. Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and communication. We deserve love, respect and healthy partnerships.
“Suck it up, Buttercup”
“Crying is for the weak.” This is the mantra many of us grew up with. We were taught that showing emotion was a sign of weakness, and that’s created a generation of women who are emotionally repressed. We’ve learned to be self-reliant to the point of toxicity. But suppressing our emotions doesn’t make us strong—it just makes us disconnected from our true selves.
Breaking the curse:
Crying is not a weakness. It’s a release, a way to process pain, and a sign that we’re human. We must teach ourselves and the next generation that emotional vulnerability is a strength, not a liability. Seeking emotional support and normalizing mental health care is essential for our well-being.
“The world is hard on Black women, so you need to be tough”
Yes, the world is hard on Black women. But toughness doesn’t mean emotional armor; it doesn’t mean suppressing our feelings and putting up walls. It means navigating through life’s challenges while still embracing our vulnerability. And not being afraid to lean on our sisters.
Breaking the curse:
True strength isn’t built from ignoring our feelings but from accepting and processing them. Being tough doesn’t mean rejecting our softness, authenticity or need for connection. We can be strong and still care for ourselves emotionally.
Moving forward: Creating a new legacy
It’s time for us to start breaking these generational curses, for ourselves and for the next generation of Black women. We’ve been taught to survive, and survive we have. But survival isn’t enough. We deserve to live—not just exist.
We can choose which legacies to carry forward, and we have the power to reshape what it means to be a Black woman in the world today. It’s time to embrace self-care, self-love, financial independence and emotional health. We need to teach our daughters and sisters that it’s okay to be vulnerable, that they are worthy of love and respect and that they have everything they need inside of them to succeed.
This is our moment to heal, to break the cycles, and to build the future we’ve always deserved. Let’s not just survive—let’s thrive.
