When I first heard about a woman on TikTok who dropped $10,000 on a dating coach and ended up with a fiancé, I didn’t roll my eyes—I blinked. Hard. It’s not because she found love, but because I couldn’t imagine someone spending that kind of money to do something I believe should happen naturally.
I’ve never been one for dating apps, wingmen, or matchmaking services. I thrive in real-life interactions. Whether it’s a professional networking event, a community gathering, or just a casual vibe, I enjoy being present and open to whatever—or whoever—comes my way. That’s how I build genuine connections in love and life.
So when 39-year-old Shirley Vernae went viral for hiring dating coach Anwar White, my ears were open. Vernae says she was tired of wasting her time and energy on the wrong people and wanted to approach dating with intention.
After a two-year break from dating, she decided to treat her love life like a business investment. Her strategy paid off—literally. She’s now engaged to someone she met on Hinge, a free app.
Vernae’s message is clear—she saw her $10K investment as a form of self-care. She compared it to the money people spend on college degrees, therapy, plastic surgery, or business conferences. In her eyes, hiring a dating coach wasn’t a splurge, it was the strategy.
She said she wasted 13 years of her youth on the wrong partner and wanted to be educated on the right choices.
If you’ve got the money and truly believe a coach can help you heal, grow, and get intentional about love, go for it. But let’s not pretend that dropping five figures is a requirement for emotional maturity or relationship success. That sends the wrong message—especially to Black women who are already told we have to do extra just to be seen, heard and loved.
At first, it seemed odd to me that she ended up finding her fiancé on the free Hinge dating app. She ended up doing fieldwork. With her investment, I was curious about the coaching process, because wouldn’t it have made sense to hire a matchmaker who would do the hands-on work to find someone compatible with the person who is searching?
On White’s website, he shares his proprietary dating strategy, which helps clients consistently date high-quality men. He emphasizes the importance of both exterior and interior work in preparing women for the best relationships. Without these skills, individuals may resort to self-sabotage. His brand isn’t matchmaking, but more consulting.
Times have changed. Social media has certainly made the dating experience challenging for singles. With an overwhelming number of potential candidates, finding an individual who wants to be in a committed relationship feels like finding a needle in a haystack.
Most people don’t have that kind of money sitting around. We’re in the middle of a cost-of-living crisis. Student loans, rent, groceries—it all adds up. We also need to examine why these conversations almost always target women. Where are the $10,000 dating strategy boot camps for men? Why are women, especially Black women, always told we need to reinvent ourselves to be worthy of partnership?
Growth is about being honest with yourself and showing up as your full self. It is also about how you position yourself for who or what you want. You become ready by living, learning and loving on your terms. And in this case, it was on Vernae’s terms.
I don’t knock Vernae for choosing her path. If she feels more confident and secure and truly believes that $10K led her to love, then more power to her.
I do hope she takes time to enjoy her investment and gives it some time to see if she made the right choice instead of sharing her journey like a digital marketer.
