There is always something about Thanksgiving that gives me a very nostalgic vibe.
The elders pray over the food and sing hymns; the uncles sit in the living room, discussing politics and sports. The aunties chat about their Christmas travel plans, while the young folks have set up and are taking care of cleaning duty. Those were simple times.
These days, adulthood hits differently. Families are scattered across states. Schedules never align, and chairs at the dinner table get smaller and smaller with each year.
That’s where Friendsgiving events come in handy. This is the Super Bowl of potlucks. And I’ve attended my fair share these last few years. The most successful events require a reliable group of friends who possess good energy and can respect the planning and structure involved in hosting a Friendsgiving event.
The unspoken rules are everywhere. Some are obvious. Some feel inherited from family members we channel through muscle memory. And some exist because our generation is tired of chaos and drama.
These are simple things I’ve learned over the years that could probably help you, too.
Is this a sit-down dinner or a couch and paper plates night? Do I need to dress cute or dress warm? Is this an intimate setting or a much larger event? A clean guest list protects the flow of the night. It also protects the host’s mental health.
Once the invitation is settled, the host must consider the table arrangement. Friendsgiving tables are where people show their personality. Some people want a full spread that resembles a home decor magazine. Others want something simple but intentional. Either way, the table needs structure. Placemats or chargers. Real napkins or solid quality paper ones. A centerpiece that brings the room together. Not something so tall that I cannot see the person across from me. Small touches matter. They make guests feel cared for without overwhelming the host.
Holiday decor does not need to be expensive. A few warm candles. A leafy garland. Pops of fall color. Black households in Houston (at least the ones I’ve seen) know how to make the most of their budget and still create a chic look in a room.
Now we reach the heart of Friendsgiving. The food. This is where modern etiquette has evolved into a survival guide, because potlucks can bring out both creativity and confusion. The Good Guest Contract applies here. Every guest should be familiar with the core rules of the establishment. Honor your assignment. If you agreed to bring the greens, do not show up with deviled eggs. Friendsgiving should not be a freestyle session.
Hosts also need to embrace delegation. Not the polite delegation where you assign eleven dishes and still end up cooking half the meal. I believe in category delegation. Let one friend handle all desserts. Give another the full drink experience. Let someone else manage the sides. And for anyone hosting, it’s okay to outsource the turkey or ham. Local caterers are out here saving lives every holiday season. Free yourself.
Speaking of drinks, every Friendsgiving needs a signature drink. Not a random punch that tastes like melted Skittles. A real drink. Something seasonal and smooth. Maybe a cranberry spritz. A bourbon cocktail with fresh citrus. A zero-proof option with ginger and pear. Be creative.
This is where games and activities hold the night together. Black folks know how to turn a simple game into something unforgettable. Card games. Trivia. Guess the song intro. A light moment of gratitude that does not feel forced. Activities keep the evening balanced. They also help guests who do not know each other find common ground.
Friendsgiving works because it allows young adults to create the holiday we need. A holiday that feels warm without the emotional heaviness that sometimes comes with going home.
Friendsgiving becomes a community. It becomes chosen family. It feels like something that was built with purpose.
Bon Appetit!
