Dr. Melanie Wilson-Lawson had to pump the breaks on her life’s stressors for her health before embracing her version of a โsofter lifestyle.โ
A stage-three breast cancer survivor, she recalls how her diagnosis forced her to reevaluate her life, set boundaries and prioritize her well-being.
“I had to do a deep dive into how this happened. Stress, overwork and self-sacrifice were all factors that contributed to my breakdown,” she says. “Now, I tell womenโyou donโt have to experience a breakdown to start living in alignment with your needs. Prioritize yourself now.”
Wilson-Lawsonโs story is not unique. For generations, Black women have been praised for their resilience, ability to push through hardship and unwavering strength. But at what cost?
Increasingly, Black women are rejecting the relentless hustle culture and embracing a new way of lifeโone that prioritizes self-care, rest, and overall well-being. This movement, coined the “soft life,” is more than a fleeting social media trend. It is a radical shift in how Black women define success, health, and happiness.
Dr. Tondra L. Moore, Executive Director of Student Health Services at Prairie View A&M University (PVAMU), has observed firsthand the toll that the “strong Black woman” stereotype takes on young Black women. “With young professionals, I see them struggle with work-life balance, believing they must do everything perfectly,” she says. “For students, many feel they carry their families on their backs, setting ambitious goals while neglecting their well-being. We have to help them reframe their aspirations in a more sustainable way.”
The expectation of constant resilience has serious consequences. Research shows that Black women are disproportionately affected by stress-related illnesses, including hypertension, anxiety and depression. The cultural expectation to “push through” often prevents them from seeking the care they need.
Wilson-Lawson emphasizes how these societal pressures manifest in everyday life. “For so long, Black women have been told that rest is a luxury, that prioritizing themselves is selfish,โ she said. โBut we are seeing a shiftโwomen are reclaiming their right to rest as an essential part of their health. Rest is not weakness; it is resistance.”
She also says that the soft life movement actively challenges traditional narratives about Black womanhood.
“This movement forces us to deconstruct norms that have been imposed upon us for generations. Black women have been conditioned to endure and weather every storm, but now we are choosing to move differently,โ said Wilson-Lawson. We are more intentional about protecting our peace and embracing a new way of living.”
The trend of Black women living a soft life on social media has a long history in pop culture. Television shows like Girlfriends and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air featured โbougieโ women prioritizing their needs, enjoying luxury and being unapologetic about it. This was not encouraged in the 90s when misogynistic stereotypes dominated, and representation of Black women in wealth positions was limited.
Now, this new generation is picking up where the women of previous generations left it and is transforming this movement in its way.
The deeper meaning of soft life
Tumi Adeyoju, a Houston-based lifestyle content creator, has built her platform around self-love, wellness and the soft life movement.
“For me, embracing the soft life means not taking life too seriously. Itโs about slowing down, being present and prioritizing my self-care and mental health,” she says. Adeyoju first began sharing her journey through blogging in 2020, and as her audience grew, she expanded into video content that resonated deeply with young Black women seeking balance in their lives.
“Journaling has been a key practice for me,” Adeyoju says. “It helps me regulate my emotions, set boundaries and check in with myself. Whether taking a day each week just for me, engaging in my skincare routine, or simply reflecting on how I feel, I create space for my well-being.”
While social media has significantly popularized the “soft life” movement, critics argue that it often presents an overly materialistic viewโluxury vacations, designer bags and spa days. However, Black women embracing the soft life emphasize that it is about much more than aesthetics.
Adeyoju has encountered criticism for embracing rest and ease over hustle culture.
“Some people see the soft life as laziness,” she explains. “But I tie it back to mental health. Hustle culture has led to rising rates of anxiety, depression, and even heart disease among Black women. We need to prioritize longevity and well-being over constant work.”
Wilson-Lawson also dispels the notion that the soft life is reserved for the financially privileged.
“Slowing down, prioritizing mental health and setting boundaries does not require wealth. The key aspects of the soft lifeโintentionality and mindfulnessโare accessible to everyone. Itโs about making a conscious effort to live in a way that protects your well-being, regardless of your socioeconomic status.”
As more Black women embrace the soft life, the challenge remains to make it sustainable beyond social media trends.
“It’s not just about treating yourself occasionally; itโs about fundamentally shifting how you approach your life,” Dr. Wilson-Lawson explains. “That means advocating for mental health resources, normalizing therapy and creating environmentsโboth at home and in the workplaceโthat support Black womenโs well-being.”
Moore reinforces that self-care must be holistic and sustainable.
“People often think of self-care as just getting their nails done, but itโs deeper than that. Itโs about setting boundaries, saying no when necessary and making lifestyle changes prioritizing long-term well-being. Itโs about mental clarity, balanced nutrition, and physical activity.”
