Is America facing a “sextinction”, or are young adults redefining intimacy on their own terms?
Recent national surveys show Gen Z reporting less sexual activity than previous generations, fueling online debates about dating apps, pornography, falling testosterone, and artificial intelligence partners. But experts say the narrative is more complex than a simple decline.
“Sextinction” is a term used to describe a projected, significant decline in sexual activity and intimate, in-person human connection.
Dr. Norma Ngo, a practicing psychologist and certified sex therapist, serves as director of Counseling and Psychological Services at the University of Houston. She works daily with students as they navigate relationships, stress, and identity.
From her perspective, young adults are not avoiding relationships altogether. They are just seeing things differently.
“From my experience in talking to the students and then my staff who see students, they’re mostly meeting through the apps,” Ngo said. “There’s a lot of dating, there’s a lot of hooking up, there’s just a variety of things.”
Still, the convenience comes at a cost.
“Using an app gives you a lot of benefits. The downside is that it’s like having another job sometimes for these young people. It’s so much work trying to build a human connection from the screen.”
Dr. Norma Ngo
“Using an app gives you a lot of benefits,” Ngo says. “The downside is that it’s like having another job sometimes for these young people. It’s so much work trying to build a human connection from the screen.”
Ngo cautioned that discussions about sextinction often begin with a narrow definition of sex itself.
“You have to first define what sex means,” she said. “To a sex therapist, we define sex as there’s a range of sexual intimacy. And it includes penetrative intercourse, right. But it also means some people yearning for intimacy and connection are not receiving that.”
For some young adults, the issue is not a lack of desire but a lack of connection.
“I want to touch. I want to see. I want to hold. I want the presence of my partner with me,” Ngo said. “Sexual intimacy is so much broader, and it’s about emotional connection, it’s about pleasure that does not have to include intercourse.”
She said many students are opting out of casual encounters that feel emotionally detached. Mental health also plays a critical role. There is heightened anxiety and uncertainty shaping young adults’ decisions.
“If I’m anxious, that might affect my libido,” she said. “It might affect my desire. It might affect me wanting to go out and meet new people.”
Stressors can range from academic pressure to health concerns.
“All of those things affect what I want to do in the bedroom,” she said.
The COVID-19 pandemic further accelerated digital intimacy. Isolation forced many online, and some habits stuck.
“I think maybe I probably opened that door because we weren’t able to meet in person,” Ngo said. “Now that we’ve opened that doorway, it’s hard to close that.”
She has seen increasing curiosity around AI-driven sexual content and fantasy spaces that offer control without rejection.
“When you’re on AI, things go your way. You drive that,” she said. “You’re not practicing that skill, but then when you’re in a real relationship, whether it’s romantic, friendship, or otherwise, you have to be able to negotiate and navigate differences.”
Houston relationship expert Nikquan Lewis agrees that technology plays a role, but says the story also reflects a cultural shift toward wellness and selectivity.
“What I am seeing in my practice and the people I work with, and also when I go out…people are investing in wellness more than they ever have,” Lewis said. “As a relationship expert, people are focusing on alignment.”
Clients are increasingly asking themselves deeper questions about values and standards before becoming intimate. She believes some decline in sexual frequency may actually reflect intentionality rather than dysfunction.
“The younger generation, they are living primarily online,” Lewis said. “That is their way of life.”
To counter that shift, she encourages clients to practice real-world interaction. Go back to the museums, libraries, and churches. Have lunch, sit at the bar, and spark a conversation.
“Anything that you do, whether it’s dating apps, whether it’s AI, it’s in moderation,” she said. “If you’re mindful about how much time you’re spending, what you’re expecting from it, what needs you’re getting met, it can prevent it from getting out of control.”
