Lacey Tezino only had 10 years to spend in the relationship with her mother. But that decade left an indelible impression.
“The relationship that we had was so incredible and so full and rich, at the same time, heartbreaking and disappointing and devastating,” said Tezino, a native of Houston. “So, me realizing that all of that could be captured in one relationship and how strong it was after my mother passed away, I knew I needed to do something for other women to be able to nurture that bond, to be able to build that relationship, heal it and grow it.”
That “something” is Passport Journeys, an online therapy app for mother-daughter pairs. Tezino describes it as a work of love.
And why is such an app so critical? Because there are multiple challenges to mother-daughter relationships.
Mother-daughter relationships can face challenges from generational differences, evolving societal roles, communication breakdowns and unmet expectations, leading to strained dynamics and emotional difficulties.
Black mother-daughter pairs also have to deal with racist-induced generational trauma and cope with the “strong Black woman” stereotype.
Mothers may hold expectations for their daughters based on their upbringing and experiences. Those realities, from a “bygone era,” may be in contradiction with the daughter’s aspirations, values and worldview that is very different from their mothers’.
Past grievances or unresolved conflicts, held by either the mother or daughter, can resurface and damage the relationship, creating a cycle of negativity.
A daughter’s romantic relationships or friendships can sometimes cause tension with her mother, possibly because those relationships serve as a trigger for their mother, forcing her to deal with her unresolved issues.
As Dr. Joy DeGruy writes in her book “Post-Traumatic Slavery Syndrome,” Black women have for centuries in the U.S. had to teach their children, especially their daughters, ways to move in the world in ways that allow them to survive.” Many of those generational survival lessons involve learning how to manage pain and abuse in order to avoid additional abuse or even death.
How it works
“Moms and daughters that are struggling with their relationship or just want more intimacy and more connection, healing and bonding, we have built an app for them to get professional support by licensed therapists,” shared Tezino, who left her promising career as a healthcare IT professional to pursue this work.
Persons interested in participating in Passport Journeys download the app (www.passportjourneysapp.com) and get matched with a licensed clinician. The mother-daughter pair then engages in video therapy through Passport Journey’s first-of-its-kind app.
“There are lots of mental health apps out there. There are lots of teletherapy apps. We’re the first one that is hyper-focused on the mother-daughter relationship,” said Tezino. “We don’t do individual therapy, we don’t do disorder-specific depression, anxiety. Our app was built and created so that mother-daughter pairs could get support for their relationship.”
The uniqueness of mother/daughter relationship
Tezino contends this special focus on mother-daughter relationships is both warranted and critical.
“I think the uniqueness of the mother-daughter relationship comes with the ripple effects to a woman’s life. There are many relationships and roles that we play as women, but the mother-daughter relationship in particular has such a profound impact on a woman’s life, whether negative or positive,” stated Tezino.
“And their ripple effects are what we are really concerned with and what we really want to focus on. The unique relationship has so much emotion and tenderness and codependence,” she added. “So many things that women are tethered to throughout their lives come from the mother-daughter relationship. So that’s why we focused on it.”
Testimonies
The therapists who work with Passport Journeys have fully bought into Tezino’s vision.
“Being a therapist is such a unique experience,” said Kira Ruben, LCSW-S. “We are there to witness and hold space for humans as they let their guards down to breakthrough, heal and thrive in various aspects of their lives. Passport Journeys gives the profound opportunity to work alongside a pair as they intentionally unfold and redefine what the mother-daughter relationship is and what that means, specifically, for them.”
Ruben views the name of their entity as profound.
“Lacey naming the app Passport Journeys was quite apt, as it is exactly what happens – journeying through the sessions, mothers and daughters discover themselves in a new world, creating a different reality within their dynamic,” shared Ruben, who is both a mother and daughter herself.
“[The experience] has made me conscientious of my own relationships and it has been remarkable to be a part of.”
Deidre Yasin is the mother half of her mother-daughter Passport Journeys partnership and has experienced the breakthroughs Passport Journeys offer.
“Our therapist asked us both to write letters as if it were our last,” said Yasin. “She asked we include our best memory and to include feelings. I did my rough draft 10 times. When it came time to read it during our session, I said I’ve done this enough to not cry, but three sentences in, the waterworks started.
“My daughter started to cry and turned her head away from her camera to compose herself. Our therapist reminded her it’s okay to let the emotions out. I had never seen my daughter cry so much. It was a huge breakthrough.”
Impact on daughter
Though the genesis of Passport Journeys originated from Tezino’s relationship with her mother, the impact of Passport Journeys has been passed down to the relationship between Tezino and her six-year-old daughter
“One of the most beautiful things that’s happening right now is that she is also taking ownership of the app as a 6-year-old,” said Tezino. “She will tell people, ‘My mom and I have a mother-daughter app. We give mother-daughter therapy.’ So, she is, at her young tender age, realizing that we are working on building legacies, that we are working on healing generations. And I think what that’s gonna do is it’s gonna manifest itself into our relationship. It already is, but it’s gonna allow us to say it’s that important where we’ve created an entire business around it. We’ve gotta get this right.”
