For many couples who break up, it isn’t some major event, some huge breach of trust or some tragedy that makes it happen. Not all breakups look like those found on a CW show. In most cases, couples simply drift apart. They don’t see it happening, they couldn’t really tell you exactly when or how it happened, but some couples wake up one day and realize they no longer feel bonded, in sync, connected…You know; that magical feeling you feel with your one person you want to spend your life with. It’s just gone. The really sad thing is that most of the time, it was within the couple’s control to stop the drift from happening. Life has a way of distracting us—of telling us that this or that is more important and that our relationship can wait. But often, life is lying and it’s up to us to see that. Here are reasons couples slowly drift apart.

You stop catching up

Look, I get it. Sometimes even you are over your own day. You dealt with a conflict at work all day long. You were in the trenches on a project and when you get home you just want to leave these things behind you. Telling somebody about them only forces you to relive all of the emotions you already suffered that day. So when your partner asks about your day, you say, “Nothing much happened.” You just want to get to your lasagna.

Why you can’t stop

You can either relive the emotions of telling your partner about your fight with your boss or suffer declining emotions in your relationship. When your partner knows what you went through, he is more in touch with what’s happening in your psyche. He can ask you for updates about it the next day. You’ll actually find you feel better after venting to him about the day. But if you don’t, you’ll stop having any clue what is happening in one another’s lives.

You over-prioritize your career

So your career is taking off. That’s wonderful! It’s taking off so much to the point where you’re asked to work weekends and holidays. And you do it because you’ve worked so hard to get to this point—to be valuable and in demand. But your relationship pays the price.

If you’re valuable, they will wait

If you are so in demand then your colleagues will wait while you go on vacation with your partner. Or, they’ll arrange it so you can just take a few Skype conferences from the meeting room at your resort. If your work really values you, they can wait. But your relationship can’t.

You simply fail to look at calendars

It’s common for couples to accidentally go months without a good date night. If you say yes to every work and social engagement just because your personal calendar is free, you may accidentally book yourself up on the only nights your partner was free.

Take the time to schedule date night

At the beginning of every month, sit down, find a couple of nights you are both free and set those aside for date night. Consider them hard and fast plans, just as you would a doctor’s appointment or work meeting. That way, you have date nights in the books before the rest of your life clutters your schedule.

You stop taking vacations

If you live together, you may be especially prone to becoming lax about vacations. You just think, “We see each other all the time! We don’t need to spend the money to go to a hotel to be together.” But time in your apartment, near bills and other responsibilities, is not the same as time in a hotel.

Never stop taking vacations

I recently met a couple celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and they said the secret was to never stop vacationing. Obviously, not everyone can afford lavish vacations. But even finding a few groupons a year for weekend getaways that are drivable can save your relationship. You need to bond away from real life.

You always rush

You know life can get busy. It can get so busy that the only time you have to spend with your partner one week is five minutes in bed in the morning or 15 minutes for a very quick mid-day coffee. When it comes down to this, you may opt for just staying in the office and getting work done, instead of seeing your partner. Or you may rush out of bed in the morning, to beat traffic.


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