By Mya Billingsley
African American families have been scrutinized for so long that the divisive tendencies have become common in many households. As a parent, you hope to lead your child down a path of life that is seemingly better than your own, hence the reason so many parents struggle with understanding their LGBTQIA+ child as they know the difficulties that can come with being a part of the queer community.
However, with changing times, comes changing trends and an ongoing need for understanding. Between the gap of “I don’t understand” and “I love you no matter what” lies education and acceptance.
Outside the box
Recognizing the intersectionality of race and sexuality, and learning about the contributions and struggles of prominent African American LGBTQIA+ figures, helps you step out of the box of family traditions and regulations to see the bigger picture. Coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, intersectionality refers to the interconnected nature of social categorizations such as race, class, and gender, creating overlapping systems of discrimination or disadvantage. Black LGBTQIA+ individuals may face compounded discrimination due to both their race and their sexual orientation or gender identity, experiencing racism within the LGBTQIA+ community and homophobia/transphobia within Black communities.
“When you relate these struggles back to something you and your child can both understand, you create empathy and a safe space for everyone,” says Dr. Aria Baldwin, a therapist who specializes in LGBTQIA+ Black families.
Here are some ways to help your child navigate an area that most often is difficult for everyone involved.
*Education and Awareness – Understanding gender and sexual identities is crucial. Many Black families have a tendency to joke or dismiss when their child tries to explain LGBTQ+ terminology and concepts. Organizations like PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and The Trevor Project offer comprehensive guides and support networks tailored to families.
*Create safe spaces . Ensure your child feels safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or rejection. Listen actively. When your child talks about their experiences and feelings, listen with empathy and without interrupting or dismissing their feelings (Even if you don’t understand or agree).
*Show unconditional love. Family is family no matter what, and the best way to maintain a positive dynamic is to show unconditional love. Affirm your child’s identity and express love and support regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Respect your child’s chosen name and pronouns, which validates their identity and shows your support.
*Get therapy – Professional counseling can be beneficial for both the child and the family. Therapists who specialize in LGBTQ+ issues and understand the cultural nuances of Black families can provide guidance and support. Therapy can help families navigate complex emotions and foster healthier communication.
*Practice patience and love – Understanding and acceptance are ongoing processes. Families should be patient with themselves and their child, recognizing that everyone is on a journey. Consistent expressions of love and support can make a significant difference in the well-being of queer children.
“Working toward acceptance is not an easy journey, and it doesn’t make you wrong for not understanding initially. The detriment comes in not trying to understand at all,” Baldwin says.