In many Black households, religion is a cornerstone of family life, providing a sense of community, moral guidance and spiritual comfort. However, when it comes to LGBTQ+ issues, some parents may use religious beliefs to shame their queer children or as the basis for their refusal to accept their lifestyle.
“The ongoing debate over where God stands on homosexuality is ongoing. But we do know that he loves His children, in spite of their sins – whatever those sins may be. So THAT is what should be the driving force when it comes to families using religion against their queer children,” says therapist Dr. Alva Baldwin. “As a parent, you don’t have to co-sign any of your child’s behavior, but in the spirit of God, using religious beliefs to ostracize or belittle your child can be deeply harmful, both emotionally and mentally.”
Here are some reasons using religion as a weapon can be detrimental to understanding your queer child.
Emotional impact – Shaming a child for their identity can lead to severe emotional and mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth who experience rejection from their families are more than eight times as likely to attempt suicide than those who are accepted. For Black queer youth, who already face higher rates of discrimination and mental health challenges, religious shaming adds an extra layer of trauma.
Damaged communication – Using religion to shame can damage the parent-child relationship, eroding trust and open communication. When children feel judged or condemned by their parents, they are less likely to seek support or share their struggles. This lack of communication can lead to isolation and increased vulnerability.
Creates contradictions – Most religions emphasize love, compassion, and acceptance. Using religion to shame a child contradicts these core values. Religious leaders and scholars from various faiths have highlighted that interpretations of religious texts should focus on love and inclusion rather than condemnation. Embracing these positive aspects can help families support their queer children without compromising their faith.
Support leads to success – Studies have shown that LGBTQ+ youth who are accepted by their families have better overall well-being, including higher self-esteem and lower levels of mental health issues. Supporting rather than shaming queer children helps set them up for healthier and more successful futures.
