When Kelly P. Hodges received a long, frantic text from her sister one afternoon in 2022, she never imagined it would signal the start of a life-altering journey.
“I was sitting in a meeting in New Orleans when my sister sent this long text listing all the strange things Mom was doing,” Hodges recalls. “I thought it was just normal aging. But when I read that list, I knew I needed to go home.”
That text marked the beginning of a new chapter for Hodges and her family — one defined by caregiving, difficult choices, small victories and deep wells of resilience. It also launched Hodges into the reality of dementia caregiving, an experience increasingly common in Black households across America.
The early signs
Looking back, Hodges realizes the signs were there all along. Her mother, a retired Telecommunications Administrator for Houston METRO known for her meticulous nature, suddenly folds towels the wrong way, forgets how to address envelopes and struggles with a TV remote she once operated with ease.
“I should have known when she couldn’t fold towels right,” Hodges says, managing a bittersweet laugh. “That was our thing.“
When her mother went into the hospital in January 2024 for an infection, things took a sharper turn.
“She walked into the hospital — and was wheeled out barely cognizant,” Hodges says. “It was like the switch flipped overnight.”
Soon after, her mother was diagnosed with dementia. Six months later, the family learned it was vascular dementia — a form that, according to the Alzheimer’s Association, disproportionately affects African Americans due to higher rates of hypertension, diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
The reality hit hard. Dementia was no longer a distant fear. It was now their everyday life.
The bigger picture: Dementia in the Black community
Hodges’ story is painfully familiar to many Black families. According to the Alzheimer’s Association:
- Black Americans are about twice as likely as whites to develop Alzheimer’s and other dementias.
- Only 20% of Black Americans believe they have access to culturally competent healthcare providers.
- Caregivers of Black dementia patients are more likely to report high levels of emotional, financial and physical stress.
Despite these statistics, studies show that Black caregivers, like Hodges, are also more likely to view caregiving as a personal responsibility and source of pride.
“There’s a stigma in our community about mental health and aging,” Hodges explains. “You think, ‘they’re just getting old.’ But dementia is a disease, and it affects everything.”
Finding a new normal
Adjusting to her mother’s needs meant more than adapting schedules — it meant transforming her life. Hodges, an active community volunteer known as “Kelly KP” on social media, has had to juggle caregiving with work, sorority commitments and her own personal ambitions.
“I can’t just grab my purse and go anymore,” she says. “Everything has to be coordinated — making sure someone is there if the provider isn’t.”
Initially, navigating home care was a nightmare.
“We went through three or four providers,” Hodges says. “Some people just don’t get it. It’s not just about showing up — it’s about respecting someone’s dignity.”
Today, she is grateful for a trusted care provider, her sister, her niece and a network of her mother’s loyal girlfriends who rotate visiting and sitting with her mom, giving the family moments to breathe.
Still, Hodges admits, self-care has taken a backseat.
“I bought a walking treadmill for my desk so I can exercise during the day,” she says. “And my patio — that’s my sanctuary. Sometimes I just sit outside, have a drink and take it all in.”
Lessons in grace and asking for help
If there’s one piece of advice Hodges would pass to others facing similar journeys, it’s this: “Give yourself grace,” she says without hesitation. “You’re going to mess up. You’re going to get tired. You’re going to have days when you’re late or forget things. And that’s okay.”
She also stresses the importance of asking for help — something that didn’t come naturally to her.
“My mother raised us to be fiercely independent,” she says. “Two years ago, I would’ve just gone without a dentist appointment instead of asking someone to sit with my mom. Now? I send a group text. ‘Hey, I have an appointment. Can somebody come over?'”
She also encourages people to invest in long-term care insurance.
Today, Kelly Hodges continues to adapt to her “new normal” — a life filled with both heartbreak and unexpected moments of joy. A life built on love, duty and the unwavering spirit of family.
“This journey has changed everything,” she says. “But what I know for sure is that love doesn’t disappear with dementia. It’s still there — sometimes you just have to look harder to see it.”
Dementia and Black Communities
- Black Americans are twice as likely to develop dementia compared to non-Hispanic whites.
- Vascular dementia — linked to heart health — is more common among Black seniors due to higher rates of diabetes and hypertension.
- Only 20% of Blacks report feeling confident they have access to culturally competent dementia care.
- 40% of Black caregivers report financial strain related to caregiving.
- Support Tip: Organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association and local churches often offer support groups specifically for Black caregivers. Information on long-term care can be found at AARP.
