What makes a healthy, long-lasting relationship?
This response is not a “one size fits all” approach, and marriage isn’t as peachy as movies often portray it to be.
The vows “for better and worse” are great for the wedding ceremony footage, but are people truly ready for “the worse” part when reality humbles you?
We’ve seen these conversations play out time and time again from celebrities, including television host and comedian Steve Harvey and Former First Lady Michelle Obama. Hey, you can even count Eboni K. Williams and her conversation with Iyanla Vanzant about whether or not she would date a bus driver.
And for most Millennials and Gen-Zers, the dating pool isn’t the most sanitary these days.
But don’t worry. Here are our top 5 ingredients for a healthy relationship.
In-to-me-See (Intimacy)
I remember Iyanla Vanzant breaking down the word intimacy as “In-to-me-see” in one of her episodes of “Fix My Life.” She said intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean being physically or sexually involved with someone, but rather it’s a connection that builds between people over time. “It’s based on trust, emotional closeness, spiritual alignment, and physical connectiveness.”
Be realistic. Marriage is never 50/50
Michelle Obama said it best. In this day and age, everyone wants popcorn-like success. In other words, “instant.” Everyone wants things to happen for them right away and in marriage or partnership it’s not always going to be the case. Obama says if you stay the course in your relationship, you may have 50/50 over time, but throughout her marriage someone was always giving way more and it was due to the choices she made and the terms of how she wanted her family to look. Sacrifices were made as their relationship evolved. Marriage is a forever compromise with your spouse.
Trust
Trust is a key foundation to a healthy relationship. Ask Steve Harvey. Over the years he has been very vocal about his relationship with his beloved wife and the lessons he’s learned from his two divorces and three marriages. Some will ask why Steve would be considered a good example of a healthy relationship when he failed at two of them. Well, you can still learn from the mistakes of others so you don’t go down the road they did.
Harvey said without trust, you ain’t got nuthin’.
Compromise
Sunday Times bestselling author Toni Tone always comes through with the relationship gems. In one Tweet she talks about what she believes is required in a healthy relationship and she said it’s the “willingness to accommodate another person in your life.” Everything can’t be about you and your terms all the time. People want their cake and eat it too and it won’t be successful that way.
Prayer
If Ciara can do it, you can do it too. Man or woman. Just pray on it. Tell the Lord what you want and let him do the rest. Ciara understood the power of loving herself first after her breakup with rapper Future, so that she could position herself for the love that she deserves which came via her current husband, NFL quarterback Russell Wilson. She said she took her time and allowed for love to fall in place the right way. She put herself on a good workout and nutrition plan, gathered a great girl crew, and sent in her prayer request. But the prayers don’t stop there. You’ve got to be consistent even in your relationship. Build that spiritual connection. Even if you don’t believe in God, find something that brings your connection to your partner on a deeper level.