The relationship podcast Tonight’s Conversation recently raised a thought-provoking question: What can a man get from a girlfriend but not a wife?
The woman on the panel hit on several key points, such as permanent covenant, favor, vows, stability, emotional and spiritual oneness, and moral principles. However, she raised a point that felt both disappointing and painfully accurate—many women today give all of those things without the ring or commitment. This raises the deeper question of whether the sanctity of marriage still holds weight in our current culture.
These days, the lines between girlfriend and wife blur. The girlfriend often provides emotional support, intimacy, and even long-term commitment, so why would a man feel the need to “upgrade” that status to marriage when he’s already receiving most, if not all, of what was once exclusive to the marital union? The sad reality is that, for many, marriage has become just a piece of paper—void of the profound significance it once held.
As one of the panelists mentioned, marriage is meant to offer something deeper—vows that legally and spiritually bind two people. Yet today, many people walk down the aisle reciting vows they don’t truly comprehend. The notion of commitment has shifted drastically. People marry but with little understanding or intention of truly upholding those vows. It’s “for better or for worse” until “worse” happens—and then it’s every person for themselves. The concept of sacrifice, of compromising for the sake of the union, is slowly disappearing. What’s left is a generation of individuals too hurt, too wary, and too insecure to trust the idea of marriage.
Some single people carry this hurt into their relationships, whether knowingly or unknowingly. They bring their insecurities, their emotional baggage, and their skepticism of marriage, spreading it like a contagion. When relationships don’t work out, they often lack the commitment to work through challenges together. The foundation of marriage, rooted in compromise and mutual growth, is missing. Without that foundation, it’s hard to sustain any long-term relationship, whether you’re a girlfriend or a wife.
According to the U.S Census, there are more unmarried women than unmarried men in the U.S. There is a cost to the prevalent belief in America that everyone is or ought to be a part of a couple. Realistically, the legal system is designed to benefit married couples. Marriage in the U.S. grants individuals official status and eligibility for over 1,000 federal laws, including those at the federal level, with their marriage certificate.
Social scientist Dr. Bella DePaulo, Ph. D., and author of Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life, stated examples of this in her Psychology Today article, such as access to partner’s social security benefits, the right to inherit property, even if your spouse dies without a will, greater access to health insurance, the right to next-to-kinship, etc.
Former NFL star and sports commentator Cam Newton revealed in a podcast interview with comedian Cory Holcomb that despite being in a relationship with his partner Jasmine Brown, with whom he shares a child, he has been with other women at some point. Newton explained that open conversations with his partner Jas have allowed him to grow in their relationship, as Jas allows him to speak to her and engage in various forms of banter, whether it’s uncomfortable or kicking-shit banter. But Brown is the third baby mother and Newton’s 6th child.
What marriage offers, ideally, is a heightened level of commitment. It’s more than love; it’s an oath—a public declaration of devotion, a legal and social recognition of one’s loyalty. This recognition matters. It strengthens the bond between two people and makes them feel more secure in their relationship. It’s easy to say, “I’m committed,” but marriage makes that commitment visible to the world. It’s a societal promise that you will be there for one another, through thick and thin, for better or worse.
These days, however, this type of commitment seems devalued. Some people don’t see marriage as anything different from a long-term relationship, arguing that they don’t need a legal document to prove their love. While this perspective has some truth, it overlooks marriage’s deeper emotional, social, and even spiritual importance. Commitment isn’t just about staying together; it’s about being willing to sacrifice, to grow together, and to prioritize the well-being of your partner and family above yourself.
Communication and Growth
One thing that remains true in both marriages and relationships is the necessity of communication. It’s the lifeblood of any long-term relationship. A couple can’t navigate their inevitable challenges without open dialogue. Some marriages fail because people enter them without the communication tools necessary to maintain a strong, evolving relationship. The principle of communication applies whether you’re married or dating, but it takes on an even deeper significance in a marriage. When fully understood, marriage isn’t just about sharing space; it’s about sharing your life.
It offers something unique that dating often cannot—a deeper level of intimacy and trust that stems from fully committing to another person. It’s not just about sexual intimacy; it’s about emotional and intellectual connection, about knowing you have someone who will be there through all the highs and lows of life. That level of intimacy is forged through the ups and downs of marriage, the mundane and the monumental moments, and every argument and triumph.
Marriage should challenge you to grow, mature, and take on responsibility, not just for yourself but also for your partner and potentially your family. It requires teamwork, sacrifice, and the willingness to make decisions that consider the needs of others.
