It’s getting cold outside, and that means cuffing season is right around the corner.
Every year, the rules have changed for some single folks, and this time around might come as a surprise to some men.
A new report from the dating app Hinge reveals a growing shift in dating values. While finances still matter, most women say effort carries more weight than income when it comes to finding a partner.
According to the survey, 67% of women say they prefer effort over income, 84% value well-planned dates more than expensive ones, and only 8% say pricey dinners are important.
In reality, most are looking for consistency, communication, and emotional availability, the things money can’t buy.
A shift in standards
Women in general are making steady gains in education, career advancement, and financial independence. With that growth has come a shift in relationship expectations. Across all women surveyed on Hinge, 72% said they care more about a partner’s effort to build a relationship than their paycheck.
The report even noted a 217% spike in online searches for the word “chalant,” the opposite of nonchalant. It’s proof that people are done with detached energy—they want partners who care out loud.
Despite this cultural shift, many men still misunderstand what women value. The survey found 77% of Black men believe Black women are looking for someone to support their financial needs. Yet only 6% of women expect a partner to be the sole provider.
When asked what traits they believe women find attractive, men often pointed to appearance and wealth. But women answered differently. Their top traits in a “high-value” partner were emotional availability (35%), respect for emotional needs (25%), and consistent communication (22%).
The good news? Some men are already catching on. Sixty percent of heterosexual men on Hinge said planning consistent dates is important in their relationships—a sign that effort is starting to take priority over showmanship.
Financial stability still matters
That doesn’t mean money is irrelevant. 78% of heterosexual women still said financial stability is important, but not because they expect luxury. For many who have experienced economic challenges, stability represents security and partnership, a foundation to build on, not a flex to show off.
“We need to redefine what it means to ‘provide’ in relationships. The pressure to be the sole breadwinner is outdated, but the desire to provide isn’t going anywhere. So give what actually matters to women in modern dating,” Hinge’s Lead Relationship Scientist Logan Ury said in a statement.” “In addition to planning thoughtful dates, be emotionally open and present, and show genuine interest in their lives.”
A UBS Global Wealth study found that nearly 90% of women view money as a tool to achieve their purpose, whether that’s investing in line with their values, funding their education, or creating positive change.
Financial independence also provides women the freedom to pivot careers, pursue education, and build lives on their own terms. Yet, for generations, many women have left household finances to their partners. That comfort can become a liability.
On TikTok and Threads, the “intentionality” trend has become a direct response to the outdated “go with the flow” approach to dating.
Creators also make a clear distinction between wealth and generosity. As one viral post with self-love guru Dr. Sarah Fontenot says, “Women who marry for money are truly and deeply unhappy inside of their marriage.” She continues with saying “Money is not enough to make you happy… you’re operating from need instead of want… We as humans are seeking connectedness.”
