I remember when adulthood looked like freedom as a kid—at least, that’s what my parents and relatives made it look like.
It meant nobody telling me what time to go to bed, no one policing how much PlayStation I played at night and no lectures about when I had to come home from hanging out with friends.
I was sure that once I crossed that invisible line into adulthood, I’d finally be in charge of my own life.
But slowly, I realized why all the adults nagged and complained constantly. There is a popular African proverb that highlights the profound wisdom, foresight and understanding that comes with age and lived experience. “What an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see even while standing.”
I heard my family members say this all the time. Through their long journeys through life, elders gain a perspective on things that younger people cannot fully grasp without going through similar experiences.
Adulthood isn’t a magic doorway to freedom. It’s just a new set of obligations, bills and expectations, only now you’re the one footing the bill for the roof over your head and the food on your plate. Before you even realize it, the things you once thought would mark success —a house, a good job, financial security — slip further and further out of reach.
I recently celebrated another birthday and like many people my age, I reflected with friends about where we’re at in life. The picture wasn’t pretty. Some are back living with their parents after losing jobs or housing. Others are juggling unstable employment and crushing student loans. Many are battling burnout after years of grinding away with little to show for it. It’s a journey full of detours, broken friendships, economic setbacks and emotional exhaustion. If adulthood was supposed to be a destination, it turns out the coordinates were fake.
Consider the numbers. According to Pew Research Center, 52% of young adults in the U.S. live with their parents, the highest rate since the Great Depression. Homeownership, once the crown jewel of adulthood, is increasingly out of reach. Millennials’ homeownership rates are nearly 20% lower than baby boomers at the same age. And let’s not forget student loans.
As of late 2024 and mid-2025, the U.S. student loan debt totals over $1.8 trillion, carried by more than 42 million borrowers.
This constant shifting of the goalposts fuels the narrative that millennials are failing at adulthood. We’re told we switch jobs too often, that we waste money on brunch and avocado toast and that we don’t respect “hard work” the way our parents did. Mention “millennial” in a room of people over 40 and within seconds, someone will mutter entitled. It’s like our own generational game of Marco Polo.
They say with age comes wisdom and it’s best to focus on the things that we have control over. Millennials have come of age during some of the most volatile economic periods in recent history. The 2008 recession, the COVID-19 pandemic, skyrocketing housing costs, stagnant wages and a gig economy that offers flexibility but not security. We’re not lazy. We’re navigating a world where traditional roadmaps no longer suffice.
Adulthood is failing us.
If the traditional trappings of adulthood are out of reach, maybe it’s time to redefine what it means to be an adult. For my friends and me, success isn’t measured in square footage or a pension plan. It’s about resilience, community and carving out small pockets of joy in a system stacked against us.
It’s choosing therapy over toxic grind culture. It’s finding stability in chosen families, creative side hustles and online communities. It’s recognizing that we’re allowed to build different definitions of success than the generations before us.
