These days families sitting down together to have a meal is a rarity. Not only that, with everyone in the home having their own individual devices, their own individual playlists, and their own individual shows, so many of the things families once did together have become solo acts.
My youngest son, a high school junior, is a musician who specializes in playing jazz and classical music. He has an eclectic taste in personal jams but has a litany of favorites from the R&B, soul, funk, and neo-soul of the 1970s to today.
As I rode with him to drop him off at school (he’s learning how to drive), he chose some tunes off his playlist—Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Devotion” and “See the Light.”
“What’choo know about Earth, Wind and Fire,” I asked, already knowing the answers.
“Well, you put me on to’em, so…”
And he’s right. I grew up exposed to music from the 40s, 50s, and 60s because my parents always made sure our home was filled with music. I didn’t always like having to listen to jazz and blues artists who weren’t speaking to my little kid’s spirit. Me and my little sister viewed my dad putting on his favorite Lighting Hopkins album as pure torture.
The particular album, I don’t even know the name of it, was Hopkins performing live in some hole-in-the-wall spot. It had to be because at the end of every song, there were only about four or five people in the place clapping.
Then, there was his fascination with Jimmy Smith and his classic song “The Sermon.” There was also every song imaginable by Sassy Sarah Vaughn, Nancy Wilson, and Ella Fitzgerald. And we got serious doses of Miles Davis, John Coltrane, and Duke Ellington.
Dad and Mom also had plenty of R&B going; some Main Ingredient, Fifth Dimension, Sam & Dave, Isaac Hayes, Isley Brothers, and countless others. And they were very open to allowing me and my sister to play artists that we liked as we got older.
But listening to music was something we did together. Watching TV, eating and going to church were things we did together.
It was certainly easier to do then than now. Things were set up for families to do things together, And that was also the expectation.
It’s a different world now. As stated, everyone has their own entertainment universes, so watching things together, even listening to the same songs while in the home, or driving for most folk is a rarity. And it seems like folk have just gotten used to eating in their own spaces too.
But this lack of connection, this lack of communal bonding time, is not healthy for our minds, bodies, or spirits.
So, even though society is set up for each of us to do darn near everything by ourselves, we still need other people. Biologically, physiologically, emotionally, and socially we were literally created for connection and community.
So, it’s in our best interest to find ways to facilitate those connection moments.
MEAL TIME
Some families make it a requirement that they eat together at least once a week. Some fams do it more. The point is, they recognize the value in that time together.
One way we made that happen in Walker Nation is to go out to eat as often as the wallet would allow. We got to learn about our children, and they about me and wifey, in ways that would not have happened if we were always off in our own spaces. And those moments created memories we each carry and share.
DISTRACTION REMOVAL
I know some fathers and mothers who don’t allow phones or tablets or any other devices when the family gathers to eat. That way, the family is not sitting down together but still in their own individual worlds. And if your family hasn’t done this, it might feel awkward and forced at first. But the flow will come. Just give it time.
FAMILY DESTINATIONS
One thing we (Walker Nation) got into the habit of doing was finding some place to hang out after eating out. And since we happen to be a family of readers, Half Priced Books was one of our go-to spots.
But we weren’t always leaving the house to eat. Sometimes those journeys led us to specific places, especially when our children were younger. Lord have mercy, we lived at Hermann Park and other parks. We ventured to those free concerts at Miller Outdoor Theater and Juneteenth Events all over the city Great Houston area.
But going as a squad on the regular helped bonds to form in a society where that’s hard to do.
GETTING YOUR CHILDREN ACTIVE
Another way to foster connection is to get your kids active in something they’re passionate about. They will be able to find community and connection in those activities, whether they’re sports, dance, music, drama, etc. And when your children get a taste of the power of community and connection outside the home, that tends to make them appreciate those family bonds even more… especially when the family shows up as a group to their games, recitals, concerts, and art shows.
I’m sure there are plenty of other ways to foster this all-important connection. Movie nights. Game nights. Going to religious/spiritual services and programs together. Holiday gatherings. If you have some that you and your crew/nation do on a regular basis, feel free to share (send to aswad@defendernetwork.com).
But whatever you do, please recognize that family connection time isn’t just going to happen by osmosis. You have to be intentional and make it happen.
