The Christmas holidays bring families home. For many adult children, it’s the one time of year they see their parents in person, sit around the same table, and notice things a phone call can’t reveal.
The house may be cluttered in a way it has never been before. A parent may repeat a question they just asked. They may appear withdrawn, tired, or uncertain about themselves.
Those moments can be unsettling, but they also present an opportunity to understand what aging parents need and how to support them with care and respect.
More families are facing these moments. Today, 63 million adults in the U.S. provide care, a number that’s risen sharply over the past decade. The median caregiver is approximately 51 years old, and nearly a third are part of the “sandwich generation,” raising their own children while also caring for an aging parent. Most caregivers are women, although men are increasingly taking on this role. And seniors are living longer with multiple chronic conditions, including dementia and Alzheimer’s, which affects more than a quarter of adults needing care.
Debra Nixon, Executive Director of Nixon Home Care, Inc., who runs several senior-care facilities in Houston, learned this the hard way. In her twenties, she suddenly became the primary caregiver for her father, who was developing dementia.
“I didn’t understand what was going on,” she said. “I just knew something wasn’t right.”
Her father, once a strong and capable man, began wandering off and confusing simple tasks. One day, she watched him try to comb his hair with a toothbrush. Another time, he got lost on a short trip to the store.
Looking back, Nixon wishes someone had told her what to look for and how early intervention can prevent a crisis. Today, she urges families to pay close attention during holiday visits. Long absences from the house, confusion about everyday routines, trouble preparing meals, or getting lost on familiar routes are all signs that a parent may need help.
Once families notice something, the next step is often the hardest: starting the conversation. Nixon said to expect defensiveness. Parents will say they’re fine. They may even get angry.
“But that can’t stop you,” she said. “Show them what you’ve noticed. Bring them to the refrigerator and say, ‘Mom, here’s your hairbrush. I found it in here today.’ Keep it simple and calm.”
Frederick Goodall is the Director of Operations and Marketing at Zuhri Care.
Long before he joined the elder-care field, he spent three years caring for his grandfather after a stroke. He was only 15 when he started. His mother was raising him on her own and working long hours, so Goodall stepped in to lend a hand.
“I didn’t really know what to do,” he said. “I didn’t have the education or understand what resources were out there.” That early experience shaped how he works today, particularly in his approach to caring for someone who needs help.
“Kids who live out of town may only see their parents over the phone,” he said. “But when you walk into the house and see clutter piling up, mood changes, or that it’s hard for them to get up from a chair, that tells you something.”
Goodall encourages families to stay gentle but firm.
“They may want help but don’t know how to ask,” he said. “Give them room to say what’s going on instead of walking in and taking over.” The goal isn’t to strip independence but to open the door to honest conversations before things get urgent.
Experts stressed that families often wait too long to plan. Adult children hesitate because they don’t want to upset their parents or are unsure of what to do. But delaying decisions can lead to safety issues, legal problems, or emergency placements that strip families of choice and control.
Instead, start early. Ask simple questions. If something changes, do you want to stay at home? Would you ever consider a facility? What kind of help feels comfortable? Goodall said having these talks while a parent is still clear-headed prevents confusion later. It also gives them a voice in the process.
“I didn’t really know what to do,” he said. “I didn’t have the education or understand what resources were out there.”
Frederick Goodall
The holidays can also be a time to test out support. Nixon suggests “trial weekends” at a care facility, allowing parents to ease in gradually instead of being dropped off without preparation. Even if a parent stays at home, small steps can help, such as bringing meals, turning off the stove for safety, or visiting more often, even if the visit is brief.
Nixon learned years after her father passed that he would have qualified for veterans’ benefits she didn’t know to request. “There are so many programs out there,” she said. “The Veterans Affairs and the Area Agency on Aging, caregiver support groups, and local senior-care networks are places to start.”
And while the focus is often on parents, caregivers also need support. Nixon sees it every week. Some caregivers bring a loved one to respite care simply so they can sleep through the night.
“Help each other,” she said. “Sit with someone’s mom so they can get a break. It makes a world of difference.”
