Though ministers, preachers, and pastors of all races have children, the role/title of “Preacher’s Kid” (PK) is a Black thing most others wouldn’t understand. And even within the friendly confines of Black World, if you didn’t personally live that PK life, you may not know all the ins and outs, highs and lows, that come with it.
So, for the PKs out there in the Defender universe, especially the younger ones, we gathered words of advice for surviving and thriving as a PK from actual PKs who have transitioned into adulthood and are leading powerful, impactful lives.
Check out their words of advice.
BRANDON COFIELD, lawyer
Son of Dr. D.Z. Cofield, pastor, Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church
The biggest thing I would say is there’s gonna be instances where it feels unfair, but it’s really building your character and training you to be probably a better person in the long run. Although you’ll have more eyes on you now, you’re gonna have eyes on you at all times for the rest of your life. So, kind of lean into it, embrace it, but also don’t try to be perfect. I think that most people should realize and understand that they are not perfect. And if somebody in the church is expecting you to be perfect, then they obviously probably need to be reading the Bible because that should happen. So, be kind to yourself, but then also take advantage of the opportunity to get used to being in those kinds of situations where you’re on when you’re on and when you’re off. And just embrace people for where they are.
DR. RYAN HARRIS, psychologist
Daughter of Dr. Rudy and Juanita Rasmus, founding pastors of St. John’s Downtown (now pastors emeritus)
I think the biggest one is to be true to yourself and to as best as you can. Talk to your parent or parents about your experiences because I later learned many times they had no idea, of course, what was being said [to me and my PK sister] or what we were noticing. So, talking to my parents helped to keep our relationship strong. But ultimately, be true to who you are because people will always have an opinion about who you should be and how you should be. And ultimately, it’s your life.
ELLIOTT WRIGHT, lawyer
Son of pastors Remus and Mia Wright, The Fountain of Praise
My word of advice is don’t listen to the negatives. At the end of the day, there’s always gonna be darkness with light. People are going to pour into you. Allow the people with light to continuously pour into you. The people with darkness and the people that bring the negative energy to you; don’t allow them to pour into you. Don’t allow them to affect your mindset. Don’t allow them to affect your walk or your faith in the Lord. Because at the end of the day, you are you and they are them. You have to live your own life. You can’t live their life. You can’t live your parents’ life. You have to live your life. Continue to try to do whatever you can to establish that relationship with the Lord, and also just be the best person that you can be. Don’t listen to all the negatives that come with being a pastor’s child.
Also, you really need to have an appreciation for the people who pour into you. Appreciate the members of your church. Appreciate those deacons who might have helped you get through school . Appreciate the people who have helped your parents get to where they are. You have to appreciate those people because church is really not the foundation in the walls of the building. It is the people and the fellowship within it. And it is your duty. It’s incumbent upon a pastor’s child to make sure that you make those people forever feel comfortable with the fact that they know who you are and they can really rely on you as you continue to ascend in life.
MINISTER JEREMY WRIGHT, young adult minister @ The Fountain of Praise
Son of pastors Remus and Mia Wright, The Fountain of Praise
If you want to be a computer geek, be a computer geek. If you want to be an engineer, be an engineer. Don’t feel the pressure to become what people want you to be, because God purposed you for a thing. And it might not always be what people expect you to be. Just because you’re a good talker, PK, that doesn’t mean you have to be a preacher. Now, if God has called you, walk in your calling. But for all who are struggling with do they walk in what God has purposed them to be and what people have desired them to be, I would encourage you every time to unequivocally be you.
You cannot change who you are to fit in. If you change who you are to fit in, you’ll lose yourself to stay in. And that will be to the detriment of your own mental capacity. And I promise you, at the end of it all, God called you. That is who you are. God didn’t call you to be who people want you to be. God called you to be the person He designed you to be. And that person is fearfully and wonderfully made. So, you have to embrace who He is, even when sometimes people don’t embrace who that person is. Embrace you, be you, and watch God use you.
