Mother’s Day has long been one of the most cherished holidays of them all; a day gleefully anticipated not just by mothers, but by all who love them.
So, what happens when mom is no longer with us? How do individuals whose mothers have passed away or those whose mothers are alive, but disconnected from them, experience that day?
Mother’s Day is special
There’s a reason why there’s such a thing as “CME Christians.” Folk who never go to church will make a special trip to somebody’s sanctuary three times a year, one of those days being Mother’s Day (the other two being Christmas and Easter).
And with all the love, energy and joy we as a society invest in Mother’s Day—spending time with mom, cooking or taking her out to enjoy a special meal, buying or making her heartfelt gifts—Mother’s Day has become as much a day of celebration for the children and spouses of mom as it is for mom herself.
Proof of this can be seen in the dollars and cents behind Mother’s Day. A new survey released by the National Retail Federation and Prosper Insights & Analytics shows that despite concerns about the 2025 economy, consumer spending on Mother’s Day is projected to reach $34.1 billion, up from last year’s $33.5 billion and just below the 2023 record of $35.7 billion.
In a word, we put our money where our mouth is when it comes to the love we have for mom.
But what happens to that love, energy, investment, etc., when Mom is no longer with us physically?
Personal experiences
Several Defender readers courageously shared how Mother’s Day without mom impacts them.
“This will be the first Mother’s Day without my mom in 66 years. And her service is this Saturday, a day before her birthday. My mom had me on Mother’s Day 66 years ago.” (Chekesha Monroe)
“This is my first Mother’s Day without my Mom (Saundra Pearson). It’s surreal. I can sense her guidance, but I really miss her… the sound of her voice, the warm hugs, her telling me everything will be alright.” (Saundra Jackson)
“One crucial aspect that people often overlook is the lack of guidance on coping with the first holiday without a loved one. There isn’t a definitive book that prepares you for the emotional response. During my initial Mother’s Day experience, I felt numb. It wasn’t until I entered a store and confronted the reality of the holiday that the emotions hit me. I compelled myself to look at Mother’s Day cards, and I cried until I picked up another card and had no tears left. I navigated the aisles until the phrase ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ lost its significance. I also reminded myself that I needed to celebrate the day for my girls’ sake, as they still had their mother. I attempted to be joyful, but my mind and body weren’t receptive. I pray this year that I can handle it. Grief is just so funny and tricky that you don’t know when it will tap your shoulder.” (Maria Carlos)
“This is my fifth Mother’s Day without my Mother, and each year it gets harder and harder to face. My Mother was my best friend. We did so much together every day. She was my backbone and the one who provided me with guidance. Never judging me and always loving me. My heart will not ever be complete since she has been gone.” (Crystal Perkins Bonner)
“This will be my fourth year without my Mom. I feel her presence daily. There are days when I hear her so gently say ‘Keep pushing, Sweet Pea,’ and then there are days when I am sitting, quietly reminiscing about our many, many conversations. Being without your Mother hits different and it changes you. One thing I will say confidently is I know she is with me and guiding me. Things are coming to pass as proof that she is. She was in pain physically and internally, but I thank God she prepared me for all that I am experiencing now.” (Celia D. Mosley)
“It’s been 42 years since my mom has been gone. Sometimes it seems like it was yesterday. My mother knew she was dying, and she wanted to see one of her children walk across the graduation stage. And of course, I was one of the last ones. She handed me a dozen roses with a card that said, ‘Goodbye, my child, hello, my friend.’ My dad made sure we took one last trip to the hill country, one of her favorite places. She was so happy when I brought her my prom pictures to her hospital room.” (Michelle Zwahr)
“My Mother went to the next level in the year 2,000. She lives on in me. Ancestors pass the DNA baton that is yours to do the same. Mother’s Day is every day. Because of them, we are.” (Stephanie Nwadiei)
“This is my fifth Mother’s Day without my mom. She was/is my everything. We were running buddies. We ganged up on my dad all the time in good fun. She poured everything she had into her children. She showed us how to walk by faith. She taught us how to stand 10 toes down on your convictions. She lived her life as an example of love, strength, understanding, discipline and lots of laughter. Mother’s Day now is a day of quiet remembrance with some tears and laughter.” (Dr. Angela Anderson)
“Playwright August Wilson said, ‘There will come a day when you will suffer the most profound grief imaginable. And you look up and find out that all them years you’ve been living on your Mother’s prayers… and now you got to live on your own.’ It’s been over a year now and I’m still astounded by all my Mom did. Now, I’m trying to run with the baton she passed to me, and it’s kinda overwhelming… I appreciate her all the more!” (Deone Wilhite)
“This is my first complete year without my mom, but my second Mother’s Day without her. I still cannot believe she is actually with our Lord and Savior… Adulting with your mom, priceless.” (Tootdie West)
Resources
Here are some suggestions on how to deal with grief related to Mother’s Day.
