Florida man strikes again: denies drugs 'in croutch' were his
Atlanta's 'Florida Man' season 2, episode 1. Screen capture.

Recently, AP reported that Florida authorities said they found cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around a man’s penis during a traffic stop. However, that man denied the drugs were his.

Who was that man? Whose else. Florida Man.

The AP article stated:

“Pinellas County sheriff’s deputies said they stopped a vehicle driving without its lights on at 4 a.m. last Saturday. WFLA-TV reports the driver was arrested on charges of DUI and marijuana possession. Authorities said they found a gun under the passenger’s seat while searching the car and discovered the drugs while searching the passenger. The man said the drugs were not his, but didn’t say who the drugs belonged to, according to the arrest report.”

For the uninitiated, this may sound outlandish and bizzare. But for those who are well-acquainted with “Florida Man,” it’s just business as usual.

For decades now, the legend of “Florida Man” has grown to epic proportions because of the madness that is the “Sunshine State.” Florida has an inordinate amount of crazy, whacky and insane cases of individuals doing the unimaginable. Hence, headlines beginning with the phrase “Florida Man” has given birth to the “myth” that these many “hijinx” are the doings of one person. But in reality, the whacky and sometimes scary crimes are the result of folk in Florida just doing Florida things.

This “Florida Man” phenomenon even spurred an episode of the popular show “Atlanta,” season two, episode one.

Here’s a sampling of the “accomplishments” of “Florida Man”:

Florida Man arrested for having active meth lab in his pants

Florida Man killed by police while eating another man’s face

Florida Man charged with throwing toilet at East St. Louis Board of Education

Florida Man in his underwear hits deputy in face with Bible, screams ‘I condemn you,’ poops himself

Florida Man tries to ignite race war near Disney World

Florida Man accidentally butt-dials 911 while cooking meth with mom

Florida Man claims wife abducted by holograms

Florida Man sets apartment complex on fire after manager told him to stop masterbating in front of windows

Florida Man pulls out his ‘dank gummies‘ and ‘medicated nerds rope’ when police ask for ID

Florida Man arrested after whipping out samurai sword in trash dispute

Florida Men – one dressed in a bull costume – accused of trying to burn down a house using Ragu sauce

Florida Man arrested after breaking into a restaurant and cooking himself a hamburger

Florida Man robs store dressed as Spider-Man

Florida Man arrested with dozens of illegal spiny lobsters

If you are travelling during the holidays, please think twice (and then think a few hundred times more) before voluntarily going to Florida. But if for some reason you still end up heading that way in spite of what all sense (common and otherwise) dictates, may the Force be with you, because Florida Man sure will be. You can’t say you weren’t warned.

Aswad Walker

I'm originally from Cincinnati. I'm a husband and father to six children. I'm an associate pastor for the Shrine of Black Madonna (Houston). I am a lecturer (adjunct professor) in the University of Houston...