Many listeners have been left feeling overwhelmed by the abundance of options when navigating the relationship podcast scene. Far too many obstacles in the area are similar to the content. Numerous podcasts on dating and relationships unintentionally fuel gender divisions within the Black community by promoting repressive and absurd ideas about women’s roles in partnerships.
He created the podcast to position himself to find his wife. Whitfield’s authenticity, vulnerability, and commitment to fostering meaningful connections shine through as he shares his wisdom on love, relationships, and the importance of genuine, intentional dating from his perspective as a man.
Not only did he buy his dream home to prepare for his future wife, he also started writing love letters in search of her, along with writing the lyrics to his new love song titled “You,” which launched on Feb. 12, just in time for Valentine’s Day.
The Defender spoke with Whitfield to share his experiences with healing in the public sphere and ways Black men [and women] can be more intentional with their dating experiences.
Defender: Dear Future Wifey Podcast was created after your divorce. How has it evolved since its inception?
Laterras R. Whitfield : The Dear Future Wifey podcast has evolved to the point of blowing my mind. I get emails and DMs from people all over the world. It’s one of the top podcasts in the relationship category in the world. I never even thought that that was even attainable. Didn’t even know how even to try to attain that goal. I’ve gotten emails from people saying that it has helped them to believe in love again, it has helped them to heal from their past marriages, or even better, people that are married couples watch it to help heal some unmentionables that they’ve experienced in their marriage. That’s been quite enlightening. I got an email last week where a couple said, listen, we watched your podcast. We were on the brink of divorce, and watching your podcast together, helped us to strengthen our marriage and take divorce off the table.
What red flags did you find in yourself during your previous marriage that you overlooked after the divorce?
Whitfield : I was overlooking the fact that I was the red flag. So the reality was that the greatest thing you can do is internalize looking at yourself in the mirror. I always say that I never knew the song by Michael Jackson, the real meaning of that song. I’m looking at the “Man in the Mirror,” you know. I grew up listening to that song, but I didn’t know what that meant. When you’re looking at the man in the mirror and then asking him to change his ways, that’s what became real for me. I said I realized I was a part of the big problems. Most of the time, when you’re going through many painful situations, you tend to point the finger at the other person. If I had created the space for my wife to thrive, then I could have cultivated the best version of her that would, in turn, bring out the best version of me. And I always put the onus on the guy. As a man, I should have been able to create a safe space for my wife and the things that I didn’t prefer about her, if I cultivated that space properly, then I would’ve created safety for her to express who she really was.
Have you connected with your ex-wife to process your role and actions in the relationship?
Whitfield : And I did that before the podcast launch. I called and said, I apologize. I did an episode in season one called “To Cheat or Not to Cheat.” It was an episode I did with Joey Greco, a former host of Cheaters. I sent that episode to my ex-wife before I released it to the public. And in that episode, I held straight accountability for my infidelity in the past. And I never tried to blame shift and say, well, my ex-wife didn’t do this or didn’t do that. I said I cheated because I lacked integrity. When I sent that to her, she said, thank you. She said this is what [she] loved most about [me].
What has it been like healing out loud in public?
Whitfield : I want to help more people. The reason why I decided to heal publicly is because I wanted to be what I wished I had when I was married. What I mean by that is to provide a reference for people who could be transparent and honest about the struggle of marriage and the struggle within themselves to improve. My whole thing was that you know what? I can’t be the only one going through this stuff. I said I can’t be the only man who ever cheated. So if I could be a voice for guys that have mismanaged the hearts of a woman and let them know that, first, you gotta take accountability, you gotta raise the level of integrity that you have. Because I realized that I had integrity issues during that time. And so I said, you know what? I am going to be what I desired I wanted. I wish that when I was struggling in my marriage, especially in the body of Christ, people could be open, honest, and transparent and say, Hey, listen, this is our struggle. I want to model the path of Jesus Christ, reveal my scars, and say, this is what I’m going through. And do not sugarcoat it. Let people know what’s real and hope that they can heal.
How is dating life for you now? What steps outside of the podcast are you taking to find your wife?
Whitfield : Dating is data collection. And so I look at every date I go on as collecting data, trying to vet what I like. What kind of conversation do I like? I have some core values that I can’t go without. Meaning you have to be a strong believer in Christ. So from a core value standpoint, maintain those core values while asking those tough questions. When I married the first time, I didn’t ask many questions. You go through the dating phase, but knowing who you are now and who I am now allows me to frame the questions differently and not be afraid to lose someone early on.
Sometimes, we always put our best foot forward, and that best foot forward is our representative. And we’re afraid to show somebody who we really are. I will put it all out there. If you’re going to love me, you’re going to love me. If you ain’t going to like me, then I expect the woman to do the same by asking those tough questions early on.
It’s gotten really weird since becoming a public figure. I get people who DM me, women who have relocated to my city, and women who now attend my church because they know I go there. I’ll get women worldwide just sending me letters saying I’m their husband. It has gotten really strange out here in these day streets.
Support the song release. Make sure everybody goes to purchase that song. That song is beautiful. It is so near and dear to me. I have the podcast’s fourth anniversary and a big event in Dallas. Make sure that they sign up for the mailing list. My YouTube channel has grown to almost half a million subscribers now. So that’s exciting. I have a course that I will do in April called Identifying, which teaches us how to identify who we are to find the one for us. It is gonna be deeply identified.
